Emily's Inner Monologue

Emily's Inner Monologue on üks mu pisikesi jutte kus ma olen keskendunud ainult ühele tegelasele ja tema mõttemaailmale. Jutt ei ole tegelase poolt mõeldud ühel õhtupoolikul vaid väike kokkuvõte ta mõtetest rollimängus toimunud aja jooksul.

Ja tere ka! ^^ esimest korda postitan enda loomingut siia foorumisse. Mõtlesin esimese jutu jätta lühikeseks. Kui on huvi siis võin jätkata sellega, kuigi ma arvan, et see on ehk pisut liiga segane.

Natuke ka siis Emily'st. Ta on üks mu rollimängu tegelasi, täispikka nime tal vist isegi pole, sest see pole kunagi vajalik olnud. Emily on tüüpiline must nõid, kes kasutab veremaagiat ja suudab ennast mürgiseks roomajaks muuta. Mu GM (Game Master - Cliodna) arvab, et Emily on psühhopaat. Arvasin ise mingi aeg sama, selleks otsustasin kirjutada natuke tema mõtetest. Emily lapsepõlves juhtunu ei ole täpselt isegi minujaoks kindel, kuid see ei olnud lilleline ning tänu juhtunule on ta tänaseks selline nagu ta on. Ta on kindel, et iga inimene on halb ja tema on see kes eemaldab viha ja sellest tuleneva inimeste enesehävituse maailmast.

Jutt pole Eesti keeles. Põhjuseks... kuna ma oskan Inglise keeles dramaatilisemalt kirjutada ning ma olen alati Emily mõtteid Inglise keeles kujutanud.

("It" millest Emily mõtleb ongi see sama viha inimestes. "Dark Mother" on Emily enda vihast ja tahtejõust tekkinud olend, kellelt ta väge ja abi küsib. Ühesõnaga ta tahtejõud on võtnud eraldi "keha" endale. Ja selle tumeda ema jõud on praegustel andmetel piiritu, sest Emily tahtejõud on lõputu.)

***

I remember those eyes, filled with nothing but hatred, it is as if I'm back there. There is so much of it, I'm not sure how to continue.
No I must, it grows as I think... too fast, too powerful to handle for humans. I must rise above them, carry it, use it against those who
abuse it, against those who created it. It does not matter why they do it - I will gather up this perversion of our world. I will cut it out of
everything that is consumed by it. It has corrupted my dreams, disguised as something else, trying to take me with it.
Emily laughs bitterly.
As if I'm not prepared for it to disguise itself inside the innocent. Lying - shaping itself everytime it gets out of control. I will destroy it,
I will make hell burn, burn to the ground! "Dark Mother will aid me, there is no doubt."
As she brushes her hair, looking into her own cold and shallow eyes in the reflection of an old mirror.


Now I just need enough of it to create and complete my final task before going head on against them, before I make them face reality.
It must happen fast and there most be a lot of it, otherwise I'm going to get consumed like others around me. Losing Red Servant is
a set back, no matter, it will happen with or without it. I just have to be creative. Some kind of barrier maybe - no, it will be expecting it,
slip in, when my barrier breaks and take a hold of my mind. Yes, it must happen like it always has. I need to see it, taste and feel it. Their streets
will be covered with their blood as I face it. One main circle inside and atleast three outside - no, I need more... five outside...
Those.. might inervene but it will be over before they notice anything.
Looks at a mark of an eye on her collarbone, gently touching a wound crossed over the entire mark.
And... them.
Emily smiles wickedly.
Yes, they will be purified swiftly. World will be free of them soon.


Images from her past fill Emily's head as she stares out of the window.
I must not let that girl get to me. It's crucial now, to keep myself ready for anything. No more mistakes. Even their faces wouldn't change anything, or their voices.

God will not help them. As God was the one who created it. They should thank Him and ask why, as it is Him who should be faced down in the mud, cut open, without any help, begging for mercy as I deny Him.
It will be my own blood and everything He gave to me that will destroy His creation, as it will devour everything, leaving nothing but a world free of hatred behind. It will be empty but not destructive.

Always trying to contain. Finding reasons to help it and not see what is really hiding inside them. I'm sick of it. But I'm not going to let it affect me as I chose to take this burden on myself, I will see it carried out even if it means my death since I'm already dead. There will be no stories, no legends, no nothing and that is...

Ah, that wonderful Emily of yours!

Tere ka.

Ma kunagi rääkisin sulle mis ma sellest loost arvan ja nüüd ma räägin lühemalt üle, üheainsa sõnaga:
Võrratu.

Kriimul on annet (ja mitte ainult kirjutamises) :)

***


Is there a human who is not tainted? Is there someone who fights against it? No. There is none. Then why did I save that girl? Have I overlooked something, have I began to let myself hope and dream of the impossible? No! It cannot be that...
„But I didn’t kill her,“
whispered Emily to herself as her face grew even colder than usually.
Her eyes were innocent, she was pure. It had not consumed her mind. But how? Why? How can someone be like that, after all that was done to her. What did I miss...

Maybe, it is a test, sent by someone beyond everything, even beyond me. To test my will and see if I can keep this burden on my shoulders. To see if I’m able gather up all of it, to contain it and then let it vanish together with myself forever. That girl was there to help me. To show me, to carry on. As she was what I’m fighting for.

There are those who justify their actions by morals and rules they created for themselves. Like that augurer Dreivn, thinking he is fighting for a cause that will save his people and this world. Ignoring the very basic monstrosity of this world.

Does him and his brethren really believe that by destroying Dagobert and their domination, anything will change? How naive. I have to cleanse the very inner parts of our race. It will be our end not another change, not another wait for a next Dagobert. It will be our end and a start for something new. World free of hatred and me.

I have a feeling too many people seem to know my face. I must vanish for a while, right after the big ritual. Or...
Emily’s eyes light up with excitement.
Maybe I should just die? If they think I’m dead I can move freely, no more witch-hunt. Obviously they will see through it, soon enough, but it will buy me some much needed time to get closer to them. Closer to my goal.

Mulle on hakanud Emily järjest enam ja enam meeldima, selleks ka otsustasin jätkata ta mõtete kirjutamisega. Järgnev lühike kokkuvõte ta mõtetest annab esimest aimu ta minevikule. Kõige huvitavam on see... vähemalt mulle endale, et ma ei tea täpselt mis juhtus ja Emily nagu ta praegusel hetkel on, hoopis loob ise seda lugu, nii lugejale kui mulle.

***


Will I ever get to see him again? Will it ever happen, or did my choice destroy the only chance for it? I had to choose between him and our world that took him from me without question, without mercy. It will haunt me till I reach my goal.

Emily suddenly stops on a muddy road and stares into distance, looking at nothing. Feeling like she’s going to cry, but no tears appear on her face as it is as lifeless as ever. Instead of tears, her eyes fill with the purest kind of hatred.

Day when his blood awakened this horror inside of me, when his lifeless body grew colder with each passing minute in my arms, I opened my eyes. I saw the world as it is. Deepest parts of me emerged from the depths of me, onto the surface.

Emily sighs quietly to herself as she starts walking again, with a faster pace than before. Thriven forward by her own hatred or distant memories is unknown for anyone other, but herself.

I can still feel his warm blood on my hands...

Tsiteerin: :

As she brushes her hair, looking into her own cold & shallow eyes in the reflection of an old mirror.

Palun võta & ära ja asenda see "and"iga. :)

Hea näha, et sa oled oma loomet levitama hakanud. Kirjastiili ega lauseehituse kohta ma midagi öelda ei oska, kuigi inglise keele õigekiri on muidugi laitmatu.

Mind paneb küll imestama, et Emily eluloos paistab hukkunud armastus olevat. Ma olin miskipärast selle võimaluse alati mõttes kõrvale jätnud, kujutanud ette, et tema minevikus juhtunud võimalik traagika oli pigem tema küla või sugulastega seotud ja et ta võttis ühel hetkel lihtsalt kätte, lõi nad ükshaaval maha, vedas nad ohverduseks külaplatsile ja pani majad põlema. (märge pisikestele, kes seda loevad - jah, see on üpris vägivaldne rollimäng. Ei, mul pole häbi, sugugi mitte.)

Ma pean küll tunnistama, et need mõttemaailma-jutud...tekitavad minus küll huvi Emily kohta rohkem teada saada ja näitavad, et temas tõesti on midagi sügavat, aga samas panevad need mind Dagoberdi motiivides ning süžees kahtlema ja mul on ikka veel raske tema mõttemaailmast tervet mõistust leida. Seega minujaoks ta on ja jääb sotsiopaadiks, isegi, kui tal on selleks põhjendus, sest kuigi tal on põhjendus omab ta praktiliselt kõiki psühho/sotsiopaatia tunnuseid. Olgu ta muud mis on.

(Veel üks märge pisikestele ja muidu võõrastele: "Red Servant" ehk "Punane Teener", millele Emily esimeses postituses viitas, on Piirilinna nõid Sloba käest varastatud veremaagia raamat, kirjutatud mängusisese aja järgi umbes viiskümmend aastat tagasi ambitsioonika nõidur-sortsi Kalebi poolt, väidetavasti Skaare-nimelise...olendi (vaimu? deemoni?) juhendusel). Ning jah, ma tean küll, et pealkirjades pole läbivat suurtähte, aga Kaleb nähtavasti ei teadnud. *on uhke*)

*Parandab vea ära* Kui kirjutan siis kasutan pidevalt & ja/and asemel, vähem kirjutamist ja olen vist lihtsalt ära harjunud ^_^

Emily minevikust... ma isegi veel ei tea kas see oli armastus tema partneri vastu või... äkki ta kaotas kellegi teise. Jätan su selle üle mõtlema, sest ma ei taha spoilerdada.

Ja pean veel ütlema, et ta mõttemaailmast vist ei leia kunagi tervet mõistust. *naerab*

See on viimane jutt Emilyst. Mu GM loobus maailmast. Mis aga jättis mu tegelase vedelema. Niisiis ma võtsin kätte ja kirjutasin oma ühe lemmiktegelase viimased minutid. Kas, et mäng viia "lõpuni" või tegelast ennast. Jah - ma tapsin oma tegelase meelega, see oli alati teada, et Emily üks hetk kaob. See oli alati üks tähtis osa.
Rollimäng oli väga huvitav ja põnev, mu arusaam oma tegelasest kasvas suuresti. Ma ei kavatse seda tegelast enam kunagi kasutada, sest ta vääris sellist lõppu ja ta ei sobiks kuhugile mujale, kui ainult sinna maailma... või siis tema "enda" maailma. :)

Kriitika on oodatud. Mitte ainult viimasele jutule(osale) vaid terve "Emily Inner Monologue" kohta.

Ps. Jah ei ole väga pikk. Detailid ei olnud tähtsad sel hetkel, vaid emotsioon ja atmosfäär.
***


After all that was done by Emily, she didn’t stop. Not a single moment to take a deep breath, not a single thought of stopping now or ever.
She was traveling far west from her home and cities that she once knew.

It was early in the morning, sun had just began to warm Emily’s cold and unmoving face when she opened her eyes. It was the very first dreamless night over the past years. She sat up, looking at the sun rising on the horizon. Sea was calm but cold just as her face. Cliff side where she was staying had no other sounds than waves hitting the rocks below. After a while she got up and walked towards the edge. Was it the sun that invited her to go closer or was it something else, will always be unknown.

Emily stood there... without moving or shifting her weight. Wind was blowing from the sea, moving her dark hair across her face in many different shapes. A moment passed and her hair went flying with the strong wind as she glanced behind her. She closed her eyes and sighed... as it felt like she was looking into her past.

As she closed herself once again, like years ago on her village street... Emily started to turn around to continue moving on, to continue with her mission, her foot slipped right over the edge of the cliff. She began to fall, not trying to change her form or to reach for the edge with her hands. In those few seconds she wanted for it to all to end.

Falling slowly, at least in her perception of it, she filled her head with memories that kept her alive till now. Not her body or thoughts but her soul. There were also other thoughts, her certain self wanted to continue, her mission was not yet finished. She reached for the empty air as the impact between her and the sea grew closer with each second. Even now, moments of before her end, she did not show any emotion.

I will come and look after you.
Was her only and final thought before she released herself from her body. Nothing but darkness and her will remained.

Impact killed her in a flash.

Emily’s body was never found. There was no story, myth or a legend to her. Only her darkness continued on, without a real body. A creature with terrible power, not born nor created by mighty beings. Created by the world itself and all the hatred and hurt inside Emily. A creature that would hunt down all of the hatred in the world, just as Emily wanted.